Turkey's Foreign Minister defends Iran's finest democrats

Turkish Foreign Minister Hakan Fidan is devastated. Absolutely beside himself. On Tuesday, he took to the podium in Ankara to condemn Israel's "illegal political assassinations" of Iranian "statesmen and politicians."

We at Mena Today extend our deepest condolences to Mr. Fidan in this difficult time.

Let Us Remember These Giants of Democracy

Ali Khamenei - Supreme Leader, philosopher-king, beloved father of the nation. Admittedly, he did order the killing of a few thousand protesters. And fund Hezbollah, Hamas, the Houthis and every armed group between Beirut and Sanaa. And pursue nuclear weapons while lying about it for thirty years. But apart from that - a true statesman. The kind Fidan clearly admires.

Gholam Reza Soleimani - commander of the Basij, Iran's answer to a youth club, if that youth club beat, tortured and shot its members for asking for basic human rights. A gentle administrator. A lover of peace. Mostly his own.

Ali Larijani - security chief, parliament speaker, nuclear negotiator. A man of many talents, chief among them the ability to look the international community in the eye while Iran spun centrifuges in secret underground facilities. Charming, really.

These, according to Hakan Fidan, are the "non-violent politicians" whose deaths violate the laws of war.

A Brief Note on Mr. Fidan's Moral Authority

This is the same Hakan Fidan who serves a government that has conducted drone strikes in Syria and Iraq without UN authorization. The same Turkey that has jailed more journalists per capita than almost any country on earth. The same Ankara that imprisoned its own opposition leaders and dismantled democratic institutions with impressive efficiency.

But yes - Israel targeting the commander of a paramilitary death squad is the real outrage.

The Checklist of Fidan's "Statesmen"

- Ordered massacre of own citizens? Check - Funded international terrorism? Check - Pursued illegal nuclear weapons? Check - Jailed, tortured and hanged political opponents? Check - Classified as terrorist by multiple Western governments? Check

Hakan Fidan's verdict: political assassination victim.

Mr. Fidan, in his infinite wisdom, has declared that targeting Iranian officials constitutes acts "contrary to the laws of war."

One wonders what he calls funding Hezbollah, launching missiles at civilian airports, closing the Strait of Hormuz and sending drones over Gulf capitals.

Presumably "foreign policy."

Next time, Mr. Fidan, perhaps save the tears for people who actually deserve them.

The architects of oppression are not statesmen. They are just better-dressed criminals.